The heart is in separate places....

So many things have been happening lately until I can't even keep track of em. Mainly perplexed stuff. So complex that I couldn't find anyone to let it out to so I'd kept it in for the last 2 weeks.

Results were out today. I did much better than expected though it was just a low second upper for both papers, but I'm thankful enough. My star tells me that I'll be going on FULL force for academics in the near future. That would probably explain my absence in some of the outings? Hope not...

Here comes the main gist:There are about 3 very important guys in my life right now. Worse still, I love three of them so dearly. Not brotherly love mind u! but LOVE love...

Guy #1 -
He's by far the only guy who turned my life upside down. After almost 10 months of breaking up with him, it still felt as if he's very close, very dear. He's still acting WAYYYYY more than normal guy friends do. This weekend, went for a movie with him and guess what happened? He told me his Penang Chic (who's currently in Melb) came back because her granduncle passed away. That explains why I didn't hear from him at all last week. He was busy entertaining her day and night; as always. I always thought that if he liked her so much, why not just go for her?
But anyway, at the movies, he put his arms around me (which was pretty normal for him) and all of a sudden, started hugging and kissing me throughout "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Confused? What do u think?

Guy #2 -
A guy from my club. Also knows Guy #1 since we're all from the same club. He's just the sweetest thing. We started getting closer when we got back from Canada last month and we talked on the phone endlessly about everything under the sun. He just a very nice, sweet guy and quite cute too. As we were talking last week until 4am, he popped THE QUESTION. He asked if we could be more than just friends (i.e COUPLES!). I was shocked. We haven't even gone out on a date and he's already asking for a steady? I mean yeah we spoke alot on the phone and stuff but... That Soon?! I explained and he understood. So we decided to go on slightly further but no until the level of couples as yet. -go to (*)

(*)After hanging up with GUY #2, I felt depressed. I knew I still loved guy #1 very much but yet, I know that I won't want to get back with guy #1. But having to still love guy #1 makes me feel like I'm cheating on guy #2. Something which I don't ever want to do.... :'( Sighhh... I need advice... I told guy #1 about my conversation with guy #2 and how sad and confused I am! but of course, Guy #1 does not know that I still love him.. Well, he knows I still love one of my exs but he just doesn't know who... Someone teach me what I should do... Its kills me that I'm so confused inside...

Guy #3 -
One of my sweetest ex ever. I wouldn't say I love him the most now but I miss him tonnes. We never had to chance to end it nicely so in other words, no closure. It was like that for almost 2 years now and we've not spoken for quite awhile even though I see him practically everyday in class. I missed him alot.. A part of me really wanna see him and talk to him again or probably just connect like the way we used to and a part of me is just too afraid. Sigh... I miss him so much...

Actually there's also Guy #4 but nothing much happened so let's not talk about him just yet..

I've never been this depressed this past week. Lots of other things happened aside from the guys. I just don't know what to do... I wanna move on with Guy #2 cuz I really need someone right now but I don't even have the courage to get into another relationship. I certainly don't wanna be hurt again. Until today, I don't know why I love guy #1. He has been playing with my emotions but I just can't slip away from him grip. I love him. sad but true... *sigh* but he certainly as hell don't love me...

Until this very moment, he kisses me whenever he has the chance or just hold me without being noticed by others. I don't know what he's trying to do... I won't hear from him for awhile and then when I start to let it go, he pulls me back in... Yes, I'm as stupid as ever.. but what can i say? Love is Blind... as much as I hate that statement, its just DAMN TRUE!

depressed...